Pimp My Ride

After much research I finally decided on purchasing this bike from www.nycewheels.com. I live close to a lot of things but can't really walk far. My long hikes (8 blocks) while enjoyable at the moment turn into a fiery hip pain at night that needs a double on the rocks (lingo for double tylenol with ice water).

I worried if I could get my leg over and onto this bike even though it is really low to the ground and I just barely can get on with this one. Then since my right foot turns out, my foot kept slipping off the pedal (not good at all). I was a little dismayed until my trainer turned me on to Brian Spears at Advanced Welding in Mountain View. Brian and his crew fashioned me an extended pedal type thing so my foot doesn't fall off so easy and I don't have to risk my life every time I ride. Thanks, Brian!

A big shout out goes to all the messenger boyz in NYC who encouraged me to go for it and try to bike again.

Another big shout out goes to Bert of NYC eWheels who put up with my constant questions about anything and everything concerning ebikes.

Above all, thanks to my husband, Joseph, for letting me shake up his nerves once again with my never ending risky adventures and for making me take all the safety precautions I really should.

Thanks, Guys!

It's a Girl- Again

As summer comes to an end, our activity has spiked up. We are closer to adopting an 11 year old little girl. She currently resides in the Sacramento area and the transition period will be long- (till the end of the year). That's a lot of driving back and forth every weekend- but it is worth it. Thank goodness we still have the camper van and there is a great place on Folsom Lake Recreation area to camp. We can even bring Goldie with us. But the lake is now more like a pond so we have to travel a couple of miles away to Lake Natomas. There will be no windsurfing for me this year LOL! but I look forward to some kayaking and canoeing.

Anyway, if we appear to be super busy, now you will know what we are up to. For those of you who don't know, we did foster care before and was planning on foster-adopt - but a car accident got in the way of our dream and so here we are once again living the dream....even though the dream keeps changing. Wouldn't want you to be bored. LOL!

There Goes My Hero

My friend, Deborah, called and said everyone in her condo complex was calling and asking who that man was that helped out over the weekend.

We had visited her at her condo on the second floor on a beautiful Saturday in Sausalito. We sat on her deck and chatted. I saw three elderly women get out of a car across the street and one tripped on the curb and fell. Her friends were nearby and I thought they would help. Minutes later I looked again and noticed that the woman was not getting up.

"Joseph," I said in my calm but you must act now voice, "Quick, go down there and check on that woman. I think it's an emergency." He ran down the stairs and I could see him talking to the woman and her friends. Other neighbors started gathering, too. A minute later, I saw him call 911 on his cell phone and the firemen came to help her to the hospital.

Joseph told us that she was 94 and lived on the top floor (duh?! What's up with that?) and must have tripped on the curb but didn't feel comfortable getting up. Her friends were trying to get her up and moving so he stopped them and called for help.

It was a good thing as Deborah told us- the woman had broken her hip in three places and was in ICU. Everyone wanted to know who that man was to thank him. That man was my dear husband.

Teisho and Wine

At least once a year a senior student gives a talk at Sonoma Mountain Zen Center. I usually give mine in June. That schedule was cut when I was involved in a car accident. Fast forward five years later and I was ready to give my talk once again but not ready to make the long drive up there. I wrote my talk hoping that someone would give it for me. That's an advanced concept for a traditional monastery so it was a no go. But it was printed in their newsletter. This year Joseph offered to drive me up since we needed to get away for the weekend anyway. It was quite touching to be able to not just enter the zendo but sit with the other pracitioners.

I gave the talk from the point of view of how I feel like I grow up there even though I was an adult when I arrived in 1984 on a referral from my teacher, Arvis Justi, in Los Gatos. I got married there, I practiced with chemotherapy there and I saw many come and go from all over the world and met many other teachers there. And it was the things I learned there that helped me get through my two year medical journey.

Joseph took Goldie for a walk while I gave the teisho, and we joined everyone for lunch and stayed and talked into the afternoon. Even though I don't physically sit with the Sangha there, my heart and teacher, Kwong Roshi, is still there. I think about this while I make roots at the Silicon Valley Shambhala Center and everyone knows it and respects what I do. It helps that Roshi had such a strong connection with Chogyam Trungpa rinpoche that when I say where I am- everyone knows and smiles and understands.

Afterwards, we took the RV to Calistoga and walked around there and did some wine tasting. I was surprised to find a wonderful Charbono wine from Summers winery that is made in small production. We also fell in love with some Petite Sirah from Vincent Arroyo winery. We also made reservations at the famed Castello di Amorosa. As I approached the castle, a older woman said to me- " You know, honey, there are a lot of stairs on the tour." I smiled and said thank you. I knew there were stairs and I had confidence that I could walk them although slowly. I wasn't going to let fear set in. I did the whole tour and enjoyed it. The wines we tasted after weren't as impressive as the building.

Here is a quote from the LA Times about the castle built by Darryl Sattui of Sattui Wines:

He has opened to the public a sprawling, medieval-style castle and second winery that he has been building for 12 years. At 121,000 square feet, Castello di Amorosa, tucked away on a hilltop off California Highway 29, could hold 50 average-sized homes. It has 107 rooms on seven levels.

Sattui, a self-confessed medieval architecture fanatic who also owns a former monastery and a Medici palace in Italy, figures his current project will eat up $30 million.

"Honestly, I've spent everything I have except my pension plan," said Sattui, 65. "But I don't care. I just hope I don't go broke."

Castello di Amorosa is a meticulous, if not always authentic, vision of a Tuscan castle. It sports a dry moat, drawbridge, iron-gated entrance, five towers with battlements, a church, a great hall, gargoyles and wrought-iron sconces.

More wondrous stuff lies below, in four underground levels.

A dungeon is outfitted with torture equipment, including a reproduction of a rack and an antique iron maiden, which Sattui said he bought for $13,000 in Pienza, Italy. The iron maiden, looking like an upright mummy case, is lined with spikes meant to impale victims shut inside.

A labyrinth of cellars, housing thousands of wine bottles and barrels, showcases centuries of architectural elements. The largest underground chamber is the main barrel cellar, 135 feet long, with 40 cross vaults.

The most impressive room above is the great hall, 72 by 30 feet, with a 22-foot-high coffered ceiling. Frescoes — decorative but perhaps not museum-worthy — cover the walls, inspired by such classics as Ambrogio Lorenzetti's "Good and Bad Government," at the Palazzo Pubblico in Siena, Italy.

Throughout the castle, details attest to Sattui's passion for vintage buildings. Iron gates, fashioned five years ago, have been aged with acid to appear ancient. Double doors outside the great hall contain 2,000 nails, all handmade in Italy.

The project, at first overseen by a Danish naval architect and now by Italian Paulo Ardito, has employed workers from six countries and materials from eight, Sattui said.

PTSD- post traumatic stress disorder

PTSD- post traumatic stress disorder is the hip new way to get prescription drugs. Military- new moms suffering post-partum, and trauma survivors like me are most likely to be diagnosed with it. Sometimes it is a chemical imbalance and sometimes psychological. Luckily, I never had it. I now see how unusual that is. Some of its symptoms are:
Reactivity on exposure to cues that resemble the event

Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the event or numbing of general responsiveness by efforts to avoid thoughts/activities/places/people that arouse recollections of the trauma; feelings of detachment.

Difficulty falling asleep, irritability, anger, difficulty concentrating hypervigilance.

Depressed Mood/diminished interest or pleasure in activities

When I look back, none of the above applied to me. Not that I have never experienced sadness, or pain, or depression. But—I never let it wash me away. I knew it for what it was and nothing more. Everyone thought I would have trouble driving once again –but that didn’t happen. I was a passenger in a car that was in an accident. The cue- the digital signpost trailer that severed my hip. Well, now I see them everywhere. I call them my little friends and smile when I see one. I sleep well when it’s not noisy (like in the hospital). And I talk about the accident easily and in great detail to anyone who asks. And believe me, they ask- in the mall, the grocery store, at the coffee shop, etc.

But I think the real key is when you look at survivors like Nelson Mandela, and many victims of intense torture, (and studies have proven this) the ones who go on to survive and thrive are the ones who do not disassociate with their experience. Being mindful and present of your attacker, your vulnerability, your pain, your environment, puts you right there. You experience it. It’s over. Maybe you experience it again. And it’s over again. Each moment is fleeting. It doesn’t have to scar your heart even if it scars your body. Only you can make that choice- in each moment.