“Tell me again,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him. Tell me again she repeated. “Tell you what?” He replied with mischief. You know, she smiled, and held him even tighter. Her face pressed against his shirt.
“It’s okay, honey, we are going to get through this,” he answered with conviction.
“Yes, we are going to get through this together,” she stated as the tears ran down her face and she dug her face into his chest.
Support is very important in your journey of life. It may be family, or friends, or even total strangers, but it must be there. I only have a brother left in my family, so I was lucky to marry and along with my husband came his wonderful family. Before I was married, I was not open to support from anyone. I wanted to be independent, make my own money, and be my own boss. I achieved all three. It’s easy to see now at this stage in my life how much easier my journey would have been if I had sought out help along the way.
That’s why at this turn in the road, I am committed to working with a coach to help me realize my goals. That’s what a good coach is all about- asking provocative questions to bring out the “a-ha” in you. That question will make you ponder the answer for a moment or for weeks. The answer to that question will help you find another answer. That answer will help change your life. I think coaching will emerge as the profession of the 21st century. You can read more about this industry at www.icf.org and www.coachville.com., or better yet- email me at fern@afdadvisors.com for a free consultation to see if you would like to be coached.
“What you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has a genius, power, and magic in it.”
-Goethe.
I'm back! Back at home recovering from skin graft surgery on September 10. It was relatively easy and with little pain.
I got a lot of meditation, reading and writing in during those ten days. I will polish it up and start putting it out here soon.
It is a new experience for me being tube free. One gone from my right hip and one gone from my left arm.
Meanwhile thank you all for your well wishes!
I recited The Four Limitless Ones every night-
May all beings enjoy happiness and the root of happiness,
May they be free from suffering and the root of suffering,
May we not be separated from the great happiness devoid of suffering
May we dwell in the great equanimity free from passion, aggression, and prejudice.
I will be in surgery today for my skin graft. Hopefully this will be my last.
Unfortunately, I cannot take my laptop. But I will be back!
Paper and pen works just as good.
Later.
When you go through a complex medical procedure as mine, you are constantly surrounded by herds of medical professionals. You don’t get any sleep in a hospital. Nurses interrupt your sleep to take your vitals every few hours. I could hear them as soon as they entered the room since the cart made a specific noise that gave them away. There was also the 5 or 6am doctor visit or should I say doctors. Anywhere from 2-7 would show up all bright eyed from way too much caffeine. Cheerily they would ask me questions but as I slowly opened my eyes to answer they would say okay as they were walking out the door. Sometimes I would yell at them and say “Hey! Wait! I have a question!” They would come back and listen to me. Most of the time, they would not know the answer because they were not very familiar with my case, or they would defer it to Dr. Bellino, my primary orthopedic surgeon. I met Dr. Bellino for the first time as I was coming out of sedation. I remember being half asleep, and I watched him enter the room and walk to the side of my bed. He pulled up a chair and moved close to my face. This was quite unusual since I was used to looking up at doctors. He gently introduced himself as my surgeon and asked me how I was doing. I said okay and then he told me what work he did on my body. I pretended to understand. At a minimum, I knew that there were a lot of pins that he put in to hold my pelvis together underneath the wound on my right side. It was a brief interaction, but it made an impression on me. Later, I found out that he was the main doctor responsible for saving my life. When I went in for follow up appointments, he continued to impress me by answering all of my questions (even if I repeated them) and I never felt rushed and I really felt that he cared about me. Best of all, he was always honest. When he did not know, he would look me in the eye and say I don’t know. Sometimes he could refer me to someone who did, or sometimes he would confer with others or sometimes it just wasn’t his area of expertise. I also practiced “Only Don’t Know” in my business and personal life. There is such a strong inclination in our society for all of us to know everything, when in reality you can never know everything. You can find out for them, and discuss it with colleagues. But the very truth is that sometimes we just don’t know and – it’s okay to say so without fear or embarrassment. To be fearless is a quality of self-confidence in who one is and what they know. That level of confidence makes Dr. Bellino stand out as a physician and a person.
When was the last time you told someone you didn’t know and felt okay about it? Practice that fully and you will find, surprisingly, that people will respect you more.
Thank you, Dr. Bellino, for not just saving my life but being a true example of a great doctor.
People who know my husband and me quite well are impressed with how we are as a couple. Many want to know how I “found” him. Well, the truth is- I didn’t find him. I just finally surrendered to the god-awful truth that I would probably be single for the rest of my life and I would never meet the right guy that would be a good match for me. When I reached rock bottom, my future husband appeared in my life. Even then, I never thought it would work because he didn’t fit the image of what I wanted. He wasn’t tall, or athletic, nor did he share my love of finance. He would prefer to read Scientific America while I read Financial Planning magazine. Yet there was a way that we worked together to plan a vacation, or decorate the house or deal with a medical crisis (Ha! Ha!) that seemed magical. Of course, we had our squabbles like any other couple, but we both knew something special was there that we both wanted to work on.
My point is that there are a lot of beautiful relationships to be made out there just by letting go of all, and I mean all, of our judgments about others, and just be with them just as they are, warts and all. Pretty soon you will be able to not see the warts and just see a lot of people of character and values that you would be privileged to be in the company of.
Do this exercise for 1 one week and see what happens. When you catch yourself criticizing someone else, make a point to think about something you like or admire in him or her.